Ranking the characters of “H20: Just Add Water” on a scale of Healthy Coral with Rich Biodiversity to Oil Spill
Graphic by Ysa Quiballo
When I was in middle school, I was obsessed with two things: romance novels and becoming a mermaid. As a result, H20: Just Add Water was my favorite TV show. Recently, I’ve rewatched the show and it mostly stands the test of time (although, I’ll admit, that could be the nostalgia talking). In an expression of love for this show, I’ve created a ranking of all the main characters (I’m using the word main here to mean “the characters that I thought were the most important”). I hope you enjoy this collection of my opinions on this iconic, magical tv show and that this article inspires you to either rewatch the show or discover it for the first time!
Tier: Healthy coral with rich biodiversity
Characters: Cleo, Rikki, Wilfred, Ms. Chatham
Tier: Wearing mineral sunscreen
Characters: Emma, Elliot, Byron, Bella, Don Setori, Tiffany
Tier: Wearing sunscreen with oxybenzone
Characters: Lewis, Miriam, Kim, Lisa Gilbert
Tier: Coral bleaching
Characters: Sophie, Neil Gilbert, Zane, Will
Tier: Oil spill
Characters: Charlotte, Harrison, Dr Denman
Healthy coral with rich biodiversity - in other words, the characters that carry the show and make it interesting
Cleo - Obviously Cleo Satori falls into the top tier. From her iconic jellyfish costume to her getting over her fear of water, Cleo is a certified superstar. Although her taste in men is questionable to say the least.
Rikki - “Are you my motherrrr?” Next is our firecracker queen. Rikki in every biting remark brings all the drama and, frankly, rudeness that this show needed. Also, I appreciate standing by having privacy. For example, she’s not quick to share personal information with her friends. Rather than this being a negative, she takes her time before reveals what she is comfortable with, resisting the standard that teenage girls need to share every piece of information with their friends, most of the time before they’
Wilfred - I think that we need to acknowledge how much Wilfred had to put up with. Walking into his juice bar with a literal frozen teenager laying across tables? Um, no.
Ms. Chatham - First, the amount of ridiculously amazing looks Ms. Chatham gives in this show is top tier worthy enough. Add in the vague nuggets of wisdom and just…wow. How would I have known otherwise not to talk to sea perch?
Wearing mineral sunscreen - characters that are largely unproblematic
Emma - Emma is our sensible girlboss, enough said.
Elliot - I do appreciate that Elliot’s entire personality consists of “We don’t lie to each other in this family” and “I’ve never gotten sick in my life.”
Byron - Look, I’m totally here for the laid back surfer dude thing, but can we work on reading signals and not taking Miriam to the dance over Emma?
Bella - I’m sorry, but there is just no way to be as good as the main girls.
Don Setori - Solid, good dad and he did stop the illegal fishing so…
Tiffany - Can we talk about her gold Miss Ocean dress? Can we talk about her sick moves at the dance with Lewis?
Lisa Gilbert - Sports an iconic mom hairstyle and makes really good yogurt.
Wearing sunscreen with oxybenzone - characters that are pretty annoying but have their good moments
Lewis - Any person who continually asks for saliva samples or toenail clippings EVEN if it’s for my own good is not top tier. Just embrace the magic, Lewis.
Miriam - Miriam is a certified mean girl. It was her role. One could say the mean girl life chose her.
Kim - I really don’t know what it is about Kim that bothers me so much. Is it the diary stealing? The constant attempt to thwart her sister’s plans? I’m not entirely sure, but she does get props for believing so strongly that her sister is a mermaid with practically no evidence.
Coral bleaching - these characters kinda suck
Zane - Were Zane and Rikki an okay match when I was a kid and didn’t know any better? Sure. Upon a rewatch though…he objectively sucks. But he did kinda figure out the mermaid secret, so there’s that.
Sophie - She just wants what’s best for her brother, Will, who is much more annoying (see below).
Will - The fact that he forces Bella into exposing her mermaid secret and is especially into her because she’s a mermaid is cringy to say the least.
Neil Gilbert - Willing to develop Mako Island for some condos and a poolside vacation and can’t even make good homemade yogurt.
Oil spill - as the name suggests these characters are HORRENDOUS
Charlotte - At this point I can’t rewatch season 2 of this show because of her. We were all thinking, “All that for Lewis, Charlotte??”
Harrison - First strike: wanting to demolish Mako. Second strike: being rude all the time. Third strike: umm capturing teenage girls to do experiments on them ?????
Dr. Denman - The pretty doctor, but again, I can’t stand by the whole “trapping teenage girls to do experiments on them” thing.
It is obvious by the very heavy grouping of characters in the top two categories that I still think this show is pure magic and that everyone should (re)watch it. And yes, I am still waiting to turn into a mermaid–it’s not weird.